


It takes a village (for you to get a hold of yourself)

by softsailor



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Super Dangan Ronpa 2.5
Genre: ???? - Freeform, Chatacter actually kind of mad he cant get an abortion, Dysphoria, Gossip, Hajime and Izuru are step brothers, M/M, Mentions of Abortion, Mpreg, Multi, Nagito is a bastard in the start, No Despair AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Secret Relationship, Teenage Pregnancy, Ultimate Talents AU, because he is 17, but still, i hope i understood japans law system, sex is how babies are made so expect small nsfw for work stuff, trans!hajime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softsailor/pseuds/softsailor
Summary: “Well” Hajime looked up from the pregnancy test to his mother “I am fucked”She couldn’t even scold him for his language because she agreed.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 64
Kudos: 198





	1. One.

Hajime’s mother, Sakura, was a good woman. A great woman. The best. No wonder Akihiko Kamukura was over wheels for her, it wasn’t everyday a CEO of a huge company assumed a relationship – a marriage – with a pub waitress, just to show how charming she was. All smiley and sweet.

And, somehow, she gave birth to an eternally stressed boy.

But he was getting better. It was worse before telling her about the whole transgender thing. That she, actually, already knew because she “loved her son so much, there wasn’t a thing about him that she didn’t knew so of course she would notice such a thing”. She was the most supportive person in the world.

So the first time he complained about being dizzy and vomited before going to school, she already had an idea.

He arrived home to a pregnancy test.

“Mo-mom?!” he yelped alarmed to it “You-you and Akihiko-?”

She rolled her eyes “This factory is close once for all.” Her green eyes went from mocking to a softness that made them look younger “Sweetie, I suspected ever since that boy started to come over that you were exploring something.”

The memory of gray eyes and soft clear hair made him blush and, nervously, he cross his arms “There-there is nothing between- we didn’t-“

“Ok, lets just say you didn’t” she extended the pregnancy test to him “So there is no harm in doing it. It will come back negative… right?”

He looked at the test and back at her. He knew there was a chance. He suddenly couldn’t breath, his whole body just froze and his head felt out of oxygen.

_Oh, fuck. There is a chance._

“Hajime, calm down” she hugged him and he returned it desperate, trying to breath her familiar vanilla perfume as something to hold “It’s okay, it’s okay. We will support you no matter the result. Izuru will even kill that boy if he doesn’t as well.”

He let out a barely there breathy laugh. Of course. Izuku would kill Nagito even if his boyf- his something did take responsibility.

“Are-“ he tried to talk as he took some distance from her to speak “Are Izuru and Akihiko home?”

“No” she caresses his hair softly “They aren’t, its just us. They went to talk to your principal about some kind of project or whatever, they will be gone for a while. Take your time.”

He nodded and leaned in her arms again for another hug. Before anything, it was better to calm down. After a minute like that, he took a step back and, with a shaky hand, took the box from her hand.

Hajime decided not to do it in his own bathroom, but the one in the guest room. If there was actually something that would turn his life upside down, he would rather not remember that moment every time he went there.

His mom stayed outside as he followed the test instructions, but came in after when the only step left was to wait. He sits on the toiled and crosses his arms. There was a long time in silence, as Sakura observed him while he observed the blinking squares in the electronic test.

_Positive._

“Well” Hajime looked up from the pregnancy test to his mother “I am fucked”

She couldn’t even scold him for his language because she agreed, somehow. Well, she would help him but being pregnant as a high school student wasn’t really something most people would be happy about, even if he was in his last year. His college plans were also on the line.

“Ok” she sighs “Now… your options. You can keep it, and we figure out how to make it work and everything. Or, you can… not keep it” she hugged his frozen body and patted his head “And we figure out how to do that.”

“I want to dig myself in a hole.”

“I am so sorry dear, we can’t do that.”

He finally started crying his eyes out with his face pressed against his mom’s stomach.

She gave him space on their own way. They watched a movie together as she patped his head on her lap. He cried a little more. Then when Akihiko sent her a text to tell they were coming back, she let him go stay in his bedroom. When they arrived, she made an excuse to why he wouldn’t be coming down to dinner – “ _He isn’t feeling well today, I will make some soup if he decides to eat_ ” – and got rid of the pregnancy test. She wouldn’t say anything unless he wanted to.

He locked himself in the darkness of his bedroom, curled up in a soft blanked, and cried trying to decide what to do.

* * *

His mom lied again in the morning as Izuru and Akihiko left for school and work that Hajime was still feeling sick and wouldn’t go to school. Izuru was a ball of stress and worry, but she, somehow, managed to keep him out of Hajime’s bedroom.

When Akihiko and Sakura married, and Izuru and him became official step brothers, he couldn’t take the boys cold and emotionless personality. And Izuru couldn’t stand his “dumbnesses”. But they liked to play pretend in front of their parents who loved each other very much.

It took one huge fight right before their first day going to Hope’s Peak Academy. Izuru got into the school after being scouted by the principal, and Hajime couldn’t help but get jealous. So he decided to go to the Reserve Course, saying “it’s a high class education and I want to be a doctor”.

Izuru confronted him.

There were a few punches.

Enough for him to understand that Izuru was jealous over Hajime’s emotions being carried on his sleeve, while he couldn’t do the same. They talked. Both got into therapy together and his brother made the decision to protect him from “all despair in the world”. Literally would punch any transphobic even if their hate wasn’t directly to Hajime. He was thankful but sometimes it was… too much. For various reasons. He cared about Izuru a lot, too, of course.

Anyways, he was already over his jealousy for the Ultimates from the Main Course, but the education was still pretty great and good for his curriculum – even if the school just did it to pretend they cared about them as long as they paid.

His mother came to his bedroom once the other two males in the house had left.

“OK” she sighs, not trespassing the door frame “No matter which decision you take, you still need to see a doctor. I got one for you today, so let’s go before they come back and have some nice burguers for lunch. How about it?”

He sighed heavily, throwing his blankets aside. His body felt so heavy feeling depressed. But he tried to think rationality. Sakura was right. Even if he got an abortion he needed to know… the details. God, he didn’t even know if he could get one by Japan’s laws. He was usually proud to be a more rational than emotional person, but it was still cold that deep inside he already took the decision of aborting. He couldn’t have a child. Not now.

Again, gray eyes appeared in his memory. He felt a sting of pain shoot through his chest.

While in the car, his mom started to ask questions.

“We… cant really hide it from Aki or Izuru. So… do you have any idea about how you want to do it?”

He sighed “Well, if there is no really choice in the matter… today during dinner.” He closed his eyes as a soft breeze hit his face “Just… rip off the band-aid, you know?”

She nodded griping the wheel a little tighter “Right. I think they will be… happy.”

He made a pained face. God, this was so awkward. His anxiety was hidden deep inside, forced into a corner by the play pretend willing to deal with it. What would people at school think? That place was full of competitive gossipers, everyone would totally talk about it. What if he just moved to another country? And changed his name, wore a wig and a mustache to-

“We are here, sweetie” his mother announced parking the car.

Amazing.

It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

The doctor was even worried about his dysphoria due to the pregnancy – which he was surprising chill about it, no freak outs and crying at 2 in the morning because his chest felt so disgusting, yet.

He was health and probably could carry the pregnancy all the way. His mother swore to the doctor that they could manage with the expensiveness even without the baby’s other father.

And because of all that, he couldn’t get an abortion.

AMAZING OF COURSE.

“Sir you can not get rid of a fetus if it wont kill you or cause you an eternal debt with the bank” they basically said.

He didn’t say a thing until they got home and the pressure got him to cry his eyes out again.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay” his mom took him to sit down in the couch “I promise it’s not as bad as you think, and we will do everything we can to support you. You are not alone. Look, you will probably graduate before their due date, I can babysit them while you study for college, Izuru will definitely use his Ultimate Caretaker talent to help!”

He choked a sob to laugh as the image of Izuru taking care of a baby popped in his mind.

His mother laughed to and they just hugged. Both thinking how things would change from now on in that house.

Dinner came quicker than he would like.

His voice was lost and while he prepared their table, all he could answer to his ‘parents’ small talk was “uhum”, “hmm” and “hm”.

The amazing vocabulary of an elite school student when he felt like dying.

Izuku watched him suspicious the whole time. Before he was just worried for his sick brother, now he was sure there was something else into it.

“Are you feeling better?” His cold voice asked quietly.

He looked from his plate to him “Oh, hm. Yeah. Much better than yesterday… and this morning…”

Izurus piercing eyes corned his anxiety hidden in a box deep inside of him. He slowly raised his filled fork to his mouth without looking away from him. None of them said a thing.

“It’s like you can read each others mind or something” Akihiko laughed it off. His mom nervously laughed along.

It was the give away.

Izuru looked at Sakura “So he wasn’t just sick, was him? What happened?” He looked again at Hajime “Was it your dysphoria?”

“No-no...” he barely managed to let out answer.

Akihiko looked at him, worried “Are you okay? Do you need a new binder? It that one hurting you?”

His face blushed deep red as he was left speechless. Sakura slapped her husband on the back of the head, scolding him for being too intrusive.

“I-I am fine…” he left his fork back in his plate and looked down to his lap “But… also not?”

All eyes were turned to him, expectantly. His mom held his hand under the table. He felt a little braver. Not enough to look up.

“I am pregnant.”

A moment of silence, and then Akihiko threw his hands into the air like he was in some kind of rollercoaster.

“Congratulations, Hajime!” He smiled big “I guess we have a lot to do, now.”

He gulped and looked up at his step father “You… you are not mad?”

“Me? No. What good would we get out of being mad? Looking on the bright side I always wanted to be a grandfather” the man got up from his chair and walked to his side. A hand was pressed on his shoulder as kind red eyes looked softly at him “You are like a son to me the same way Izuru is. You can count on me.”

His eyes filled with tears and he looked down again as he rubbed them off “Tha-thank you.”

The sound of metal slicing turned all three heads to Izuru, who was suddenly standing on the other side of then kitchen were Akihiko’s fancy knife stand was set. His hair floated around him and his red eyes shined dangerously. He held their biggest knife.

His voice sounded almost like a snakes hiss as he said “Who did this to you? And why aren’t they here?”

“Oh my god, drop the knife, Izuru!”

Akihiko ran to his son as his mother sighed at the chaotic scene. She looked at him with a tired smile.

“Well, now I guess it’s the daddy’s turn to find out, isn’t it?”

His mouth was left hanging, frozen in realization for the rest of the night.

He was still in a trance up until lunch at school, the next day.

“Oi!” Satou snapped her fingers in front of his eyes “Are you going to keep looking at it for another 15 minutes or can I eat that?”

“Ugh, stop being such a hungry pig” Natsumi rolled her eyes from his left and looked angrily at him “And whats up with your Shinigami?”

He was well aware of his brother, standing on guard behind him, his hair floating almost like a protective aura around him. He did notice how there was less people sitting nearby but choose to ignore it.

He sighed “He is like this, you guys know it.”

“No, dude” Kazuichi protested with his mouth full of whatever his lunch was “He is creepier than usual. Did something happen? You didn’t come to class yesterday. What was that?”

“I-I was just feeling sick…” his voice trembled a little. Natsumi looked at him with sharp eyes, then proceed to take his chopsticks and forcibly feed him “Nat-!”

“Jeez, you look perfectly fine!” Mahiru, the last in their group to manifest (Izuru’s presence was a constant manifestation that screamed louder than the Ultimate Screamer) “If you weren’t that bad in shape you shouldn’t have missed your classes!”

He couldn’t defend himself because Natsumi shoved more food in his mouth.

“Why do you have to be so brutal?” Satou scolded her “And I am the pig.”

“Hmm… Hajime, why is your brother doing… this?”

He looked to Kazuichi and panics at Izuru bending over his friend with a murderous aura.

“Was it him, Hajime?” Izuru hissed. Kazuichi looked about to pee his pants.

“No! No, stop, Izuru, you are terrifying him!” He manages to protest - holding Natsumi's wrist so she would stop forcing food into his mouth - and Izuru backs off, back to his place behind his brother.

“What a beautiful bonding” a soft voice says approaching “I hope you don’t mind if a trash like me sits with you?”

Hajime almost freezes with a terrified expression as the timbre of that voice reaches him. But he knew Izuru would know right away if he did so he tried his best to act normal as he always does when that person approaches.

He looks up to him.

_“Well, now I guess it’s the daddy’s turn to find out, isn’t it?”_

_Well, that was actually the hard part._

Nagito looked down to him and his two other Reserve friends “Oh, sorry. If I had noticed those leeches were here, I wouldn’t have even asked.”

_The hardest._


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of sex. just mentions.

_Izuru_ _was the one who insisted on his presence to the sports festival in their first year. He was curious to why since the RC wasn’t allowed to participate in the event as players._

_“I think it will be good for you”, he said._

_He only understood that when he got there._

_Back then, he was still learning to be more than some dude who acted like they had a stick in the ass, and Satou and Natsumi were still fighting so he didn’t have any friendship with them. Basically? He had no friends._

_And then,_ _Izuru_ _pulled him by the hand to where the 77-B Class reunited._

_“This is my brother”_ _Izuru_ _plainly said and then everyone noticed their presence. The curious eyes went from him to Hajime, who tensed nervous at suddenly attention “Introduce yourself.”_

_“Ah,” he hesitated before pulling aways from his_ _brother's_ _hand to a small, polite, bow “I am Hajime Hinata. It’s nice to meet you all. Thank you, for taking care of my brother.”_

_“Yeah, you should thank us” a small girl in a kimono said with a_ _mocking_ _smile “He is a weirdo.”_

_“Hiyoko!” a_ _red-haired_ _girl scolded her. The kimono girl – Hiyoko – just laughed it off, but didn’t say a thing anymore._

_“It’s nice to meet you, Hajime” a girl with a quiet voice and cat hoodie said, getting closer “_ _Izuru_ _talks about you sometimes.”_

_“He does?” he turned confused at his brother. “Hm... I hope it’s nice things.”_

_“He says you are a little less boring than us!” a girl with colorful hair said – he knew her from some music shows, Ibuki Mioda – and smiled “How do you do that?”_

_He recoiled a little confused “Hm... I just, be myself?”_

_A boy with gray eyes and almost-white hair stepped suddenly in front of him “It’s such a pleasure to meet the same blood as our dear Ultimate Hope! Oh, I bet you are as amazing as your brother!”_

_He took a step back and looking down at himself, remembering he didn’t need to come in his RC uniform, choosing normal comfortable clothes. Hajime looks up again at the hopeful glimmering eyes. There was something there..._

_“Oh, yeah!” the red-head again said “What is your talent? Can you do everything like Izuru?”_

_“Okay, first of all” he turned his eyes away from the boy and ignored him “We are just step brothers. We don’t share blood, my mom and his dad married when we were nine. And...” he took a deep breath “I don’t have an Ultimate Talent. I am from the Reserve Course.”_

_“Ooooh” mostly of the 77-B Class cooed in union, understanding._

_For his relief, they just brushed it off and started to introduce themselves, all every kind. Except for one. He dared to look at the last one to introduce themselves, the boy with gray eyes._

_Eyes and expression that lost all excitement and light._

_“How boring” he says his voice suddenly cold “You are just another disposable tra-”_

_Hajime didn’t even get to digest the insult, as a fist quickly flew to the boy's face, knocking him to the ground. Everyone yelped at the suddenly action._

_Izuru_ _spited “Transphobic.”_

_Hajime ignored the boy and lturned once again at his brother, irritated “Ok, let’s repeat once again: when someone is rude to me, it’s not always because of my gender!”_

_Izuru_ _shook his head “If they are against you in any ways, they are transphobic.”_

_Hajime sighed._

_The boy tried to get up from the ground, being helped by_ _Nekomaru_ _and Akane. He was clearly still out of it, although awake. His vision was probably spining._

_“Wow, you are_ trans _? That’s so cool...”_

_And he fainted. Hajime just couldn’t believe it._

_“We-We a-are so so-sorry for him!” Mikan nervously said, quietly “He-he_ _shouldn't_ _ha-have said that to_ _yo_ _-you, Na-Nagito is just...”_

_Nagito._

_…_

_Nagito_ _..._

* * *

“Leeches?!” Natsumi laughed, loudly, mocking Nagito “Oh, please. They decided to start the Reserve Course because they couldn’t afford your _useless asses_ anymore. If anything, _you_ are the leeches. Feeding from _our_ money.” 

Nagito ignored her and took a sit by Kazuichi’s side, who moved a bit to Mahiru’s side to stay farter from him. He opened his lunchbox, filled with pieces of toast. 

Hajime sighed, and, before he could hold his own mouth, said “They have some really good food in your cafeteria, why eat toast as lunch?” 

He laughed, still softly like always. Probably also forgetting his own act for a second “As if I could ever dream of eating the same food as such amazing people.” 

“God, you are crazy” Natsumi rolled her eyes.

Satou sighs “Can we just ignore him and... keep doing what we were doing?” 

Kazuichi looked at her “What were we talking again?” 

“First about manners on the table” Mahiru looks accusingly at Natsumi and then at Satou. The blonde just smiled and the other sulks a little. “Then about Hajime being sick, which I doubt so. He looks fine.” 

He pretends to not notice how Nagito looked in his direction for a second, with a different expression before going back to his act. 

“Fine? He has huge eyebags” Kazuichi points out “But, c’mon just leave the guy. Izuru wouldn’t let him miss classes for no reason.” 

Mahiru stopped for a second, a thoughtful look on her face, before nodding. 

“Well,” Nagito said “I think-” 

“Leave” Izuru’s demoniac voice said. 

Nagito looked up to the Ultimate Hope with wide surprised eyes. And so did everyone else in the group 

Izuru _hated_ Nagito. He didn’t care about him at all, even if the boy was annoying following everywhere like _right now_ , until he insulted his brother the first time. At first, he didn’t want him nearby them, never, but then Hajime just started to get used to it and asked them to brush it off and ignore. That happened at some point during the process of things changing between them, and because things changed, Nagito insulted him just enough to keep a farced. So Izuru could wait until he was done with Nagito’s insults to Hajime to finally kick him out of their circle. Everyone just thought Nagito got tired of insulting them every second. 

Still, Izuru’s patience was far more resistant than that... And that voice tone was scary as hell... 

Oh, yeah. 

He was over protective now. 

He sighs and gets up, his lunch box in his hands. 

“Izuru and I have to talk about something.” he says and pulls his brother away along with him as he walks away. He yells over his shoulder “See you tomorrow or in class!” 

The group just waves confused. 

Nobody notices Nagito’s soft-worried look at him. 

* * *

Hajime takes Izuru to the water fountains, in the back of the first years RC building, where nobody else is around, for once. He tells his brother how he can’t act like that or people will get suspicious, and he definitely isn't read for the whole school, or his friends, to find out about the... thing, growing inside of him. 

“He is a _dick_ ” Izuru says, simple. He only cursed when really angry. He learned how to detect said emotion and manifest it... with Hajime. Listening to him say it without any expressed emotion was still weird. “He shouldn’t be close to us normally, now he can cause an unnecessarily stress for you, which can lead to undesirable consequences.” 

“Look, I got used to it. His insults are weak against me after so long.” and there were also the things said and unheard by anyone else, _god_ “It's not enough stress to cause... _it,_ any harm. And you are acting like anything could hurt me.” 

“I am looking.” 

“...For what?” 

“For the person who did this to you. I will kill them.” 

They both stood emotionless looking at each other. Izuru, a little closer to the murderous serious expression. Hajime, was just incredulous. 

He punched his brother on the top of his head.

“When I tell them, I will tell you, okay?!” he yelps and lowers his tone, stressed “Jeez, it’s not easy. And _don’t_ kill them.” 

( _Because you will definitely kill Nagito. You are just waiting for a reason and that’s more than enough_.) 

After convincing his brother to act normaly as he does, the bell rings and they walk to their respective school buildings. 

His phone was left in his class desk. When he took it, he noticed a notification from a message. 

_From: school office_

_[are you okay?]_

He had changed Nagito’s contact name in case he called while his phone was exposed to someone, mostly Izuru. It would be strange if someone knew they kept contact while hating each other. But now he noticed how stranger it might be the _school office_ sending an unformal message like that out of nowhere. 

Still better than the questions if it was written as _Nagito_. 

Another message pops up.

_From: school office_

_[_ _i_ _am really worried... you and_ _izuru_ _were acting really weird...]_

_[is it about you being sick yesterday? Are you feeling better?]_

His heart melted a little, but still uncomfortably because of the recent news. 

_[yeah]_

_[something bad I ate]_

_[ignore izuru, he is just... with a stick in his ass these days]_

_[hm... okay]_

_[I can come over after school?]_

_[if you are alone today]_

_[you sound like a fuckboy, you know that?]_

_[I just_ _wanna_ _take care of you if you are still feeling bad]_

_[now, if you want to do other things, I wouldn’t say no]_

_[_ _nagito_ _...]_

_[just kidding._ _hahaha_ _]_

_[...i_ _zuru_ _and_ _akihiko_ _are coming to the school for some project he is part of now. They might take a while]_

_[my mom already caught you coming over before so... yeah]_

_[I wouldn’t miss her_ _wonderful_ _snacks <3] _

He smiled a little and put his phone away, feeling like it was enough until later when they would see each other personally. He laid his head on his desk and sighed, tired. His belly felt like it was twisting in anxiety. He had to tell Nagito. As soon as possible. Just rip the band-aid off, like he did to his family. 

“Hey, lightining rod.” 

Something cold touched his head. He looks up to the cold tea Satou pressed against him. Natsumi is observing him from her side. 

“Thanks” he says taking the bottle. 

“Jeez, if you are still feeling bad, just stay at home” she crosses her arms “What is it? Cramps?” 

_Oh yeah, I don't have to worry about it for the next 9 months. At least one good side._

“Something like that” he plainly says. 

“If you want” Natsumi says with her natural born devilish smile “You two can come over to my house. We basically have a whole spa. I always go there when I get cramps.” 

“Hm, no thanks. It's not cramps. I actually have something important to do today...” an idea comes up “But, tomorrow is Saturday. I wanted... to tell you guys something.” 

They agree in meeting at Natsumi’s house that weekend. Mahiru and Kazuichi would also be invited, and Chiaki, if she was already back from her international game tournament. Just his closest group was fine, for now. 

_Just rip the band-aid off_. 

* * *

“Hm, hey” Hajime walked over to Sakura, in the kitchen, after Izuru and Akihiko left. 

She looked away from the dishes she was washing and smiled to him “Yes, sweetie?” 

“Hm...” he griped the closest chair to give himself some support. His belly was twisting and he couldn’t look at her “I... I invited him, over.” 

She stops washing the dishes “Oh. So... it's really him? Nagito?” 

One time, in their secret meetings at his house while his family was away, there were watching a movie in the couch. Neither heard his mother arriving early, because of course they decided around that time to softly make out and not care about interferences. She caught them. And while both were frozen trying not to panic, she just smiles and offers to make some snacks. 

Now it was chill for him to invite Nagito as long as it was just his mother. He explained to her that Izuru hated Nagito – no details beyond that – so he really didn’t want anyone to find out, yet. She accepted it. And they could be alone in his bedroom. Because she trusted them. 

Anyways... 

“Yeah, it’s him” he nods along his words “I will tell him.” 

She nodds “Call me if you need help or someone to hit him.” 

Hajime laughs weakly, but thanks her. Soon, the doorbell rang. 

“Hey” Nagito smiles as he walks him “Hey, Mrs. Kumukura!” he yells, just loud enough to stay polite. 

“Hello, sweetie!” she yells back from the kitchen, kindly. 

They had a few snacks together, the three of them. And Nagito managed to find a place in Sakura’s heart. They got along well, it made him really happy to see their friendly interactions. He hoped, deep inside, the events about to happen wouldn’t change it. 

Nagito took his shoes in his hands. 

“Just leave them there” Hajime says “Izuru and Akihiko took a long time last time, whatever they are doing.” 

Nagito smiles and laughs “So, I don’t need to take them in case I need to jump out of the window? How delightful!” 

Hajime manages to smile and takes his, now, free hands to pull him up the stairs. 

“Probably the laundry sheets would be coincidentally in a big pile under it. No harm.” 

Nagito just laughs as he lets himself be pulled. 

Back in his bedroom, they don’t do much. They don’t add music, in case his mother calls or someone arrives by the garage. It’s a custom ever since they were surprised by Sakura. Not like they would do anything sexual today. Yes, he was pregnant. But they had only done a few small vanilla stuff to get off those teenage hormones.

Hajime’s crises for his own body were a little too high to do anything that wasn’t in completely darkness, anyways. And neither of them really had a high libido. It felt good. It felt _amazing_. And it was simple and rare. Neither seemed in the mood right now. 

So, they just cuddled on his bed with their homeworks and tried to help each other out. 

“Help” each other out. More like Nagito and his big brain helping him, and Hajime motivating Nagito to actually do this homework. 

At some point, they just stopped to cuddle with their homework aside. 

Nagito hugged his waist with his face pressed against his chest, with a content smile as Hajime ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Are you sure you are feeling better now?” his boy- something asked, caressing his waist. 

This made him feel something so... God, this was _hard_. 

“Yeah. Much better.” 

“ _Liar_ ” Nagito accuses him and looks up worried “What happened? Really?” 

He sighs giving up and closes his eyes. Nagito sits up and holds his face to look at him. Gently. Expecting. He waits for Hajime to say something, but he is too nervous and looks away. The other sighs and kisses him gently on the forehead, and then on the lips. 

“You can tell me _anything_ , okay?” 

He nods, weakly. Nagito just sighs and goes back to cuddling, now with Hajime’s pressing his own face against his chest, looking for comfort. 

They change topics. 

He ends up not telling him about the pregnancy that day. 

_“Well, how unluckier can it get?”_

_A couple months after their first meeting, during the cultural festival, the two biggest enemies in Hope’s Peak Academy find themselves locked in a_ _closet. Together_ _._

_Hajime had made friends with all class 77-B, except for the Ultimate Lucky Student. And for that, they asked his help as a server in their_ huge _maid café that was missing male servers. Thankfully, the male waiters wore suits not dresses. He was worried because of_ _Teruteru_ _, who, actually, gave the idea - but was ignored._

 _He came to the supply closed downstairs for some tape – he doesn’t really know for what, Ibuki just demanded him to get it for her – and it was hard to find._ _So_ _someone had the idea to send Nagito to help him. They looked for it in silence, the others hateful aura pretty obvious. He just ignored it._

_When they finally found the last roll of tape, someone, who probably didn’t notice they were there, locked them inside._

_With no phones._

_He rolled his eyes “Oh, and you think_ _its_ _your fault? Like literally everything else?”_

_“_ _Don't_ _talk to me.”_

_“I can talk if I want to. The world_ _doesn't_ _spin around you.”_

_“At least I was accepted between them.”_

_“As if I care.”_

_“You wouldn’t be in this school if you didn’t.”_

_Oh, well. He was kind of right._

_He tried to yell to anyone who would listen. A girl from another class was actually passing by and promised she would go look for whoever had the key to the closet._

_They just sited as far as possible from each other in silence._

_“Hey” he called after a while._

_“What?” Nagito asked, bored._

_“... I_ _zuru_ _wants to drop out of the school.”_

_Nagitos_ _eyes go wide in shock “Wha-what?! The Ultimate Hope wants to leave?! No, it_ _can't_ _be!”_

_“He does. The reason why he accepted the school's invitation was because I would study here too. But he_ _can't_ _stand I am being treated like nothing.”_

_“Well, you are-”_

_“Can you just- be a little nicer in front of him? I don’t want him to drop out, either. It would help.”_

_“...Okay.”_

_And then, they just stood in silence._

_It was by simply thanks to the effort of being nicer that things started_ _changing_ _. He finally notices looking back at that moment._

_So_ _he can't really say he regrets lying about_ _Izuru_ _dropping_ _ouf_ _of Hope’s Peak._

_He is happy he did so._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am really happy there are people reading this work! i was afraid nobody would notice and i would delete it in shame hahaha  
> my dad got covid... he is mostly okay, for now. few syntoms. just 4 days since diagnose. but i am really scared. he is a great and gentle man. the only other man who didnt leave me traumatized besides my grandpa - who already passed away. having some of my focus on this work is helping me so i wont die from anxiety.  
> thank you all for reading <3


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your messages whishing well for my dad. he is feeling much better now, thankfully.  
> i hope you all enjoy this chapter!!  
> small mention of sex that cant be ignored because thats how babys are made!

_“God, that’s so annoying!”_ _Takamura_ _, a boy from his class, complains coming in._

_Hajime l_ _ooks up from his phone – he is playing some multiplayer game with_ _Chiaki_ _, who is in her own classroom during lunch break -, wondering what happened. He sends a quick message to his friend once he notices he lost again, telling her he needs to do something._

_“Hey,_ _Takamura"_ _he calls for his classmate, the other turns at him “What happened?”_

_Takamura_ _sighs “_ _Satou_ _and_ _Natsumi_ _are at it again. Started fighting in the middle of the patio.”_

_“I think they are still going” Lisa, another classmate, says “It was pretty intense when we left.”_

_“They fight every day, it’s getting annoying. At least today they choose somewhere else. Where we can’t hear from here.”_

_Hajime_ _was used to separate the two girls, so he convinces himself it’s the feeling of responsibility that moves him to patio, a space shared by both courses. Not many people went there, himself would only go after classes to meet_ _Chiaki_ _. Not many students had friends from the opposite course, like him. But that was thanks to_ _Izuru_ _. He wondered what his brother was doing._

_When he arrived, the two girls were alone, and seemed about to jump in each other's throats._

_“They wouldn’t even notice she was gone!”_ _Natsumi_ _is yelling “And a photographer! Ha! Don’t joke with me. What good is that talent for? Will she take some pretty pictures to save who?!”_

 _Satou_ _hisses through her teeth “Photojournalism is important! An image can carry meaning and information, and-”_

_“Whatever! How does that compare to being from such a family as the_ _Kuzuryu_ _clan? I am the sister of the_ _Kuzuryu_ _heir! I am the most powerful little sister in the world! The Ultimate Little Sister, truly!”_

_As she spoke, she got closer and closer to_ _Satou_ _. The dark-haired girl stepped back, a terrified look in her eyes. He couldn’t see_ _Natsumi_ _from his angle, but she was probably losing it from the way she spoke._

_“I could get rid of her”_ _Natsume_ _laughed “I could get rid of her, and no one would ever find out, or even question it! They’d be too terrified to mess up with the_ _yazuka_ _.”_

_Satou’s_ _expression changed to something else. Something darker. Something... desperate._

_Her hands flew in_ _Natsumi’s_ _neck._

_Hajime_ _held her back._

_“Stop it!” he yelled “Every single day you two fight, don’t you get tired of it?!”_

_Both girls seemed stunned like they were suddenly pulled out of some haze._ _Satou_ _pulled her arm from_ _Hajime’s_ _grasp._

_“We would stop if she knew her place!”_

_“Ha?!”_ _Natsumi_ _stepped closer again “You have no idea what you are talking about, you-”_

_“Oh my god, shut up both of you!” he yelled louder and the girls turned back again to him with wide eyes “Every freaking day we all get interrupted during classes, having our lunch time disturbed and even getting in trouble because of the two of you! If you hate each other so much, do us all a favor and stay out of each other’s way! At least for us! God...”_

_He rubbed his temples while both girls still seemed in shock with his outburst._

_“You don’t understand!”_ _Satou_ _was the first to get over their shock “She is threatening_ _Mahiru!_ _How can I keep quiet while she-”_

_“If you don’t, you will be the one getting expelled!_ _Natsumi_ _won't do anything towards_ _Mahiru_ _!”_

_Natsumi_ _laughs with a_ _devilish_ _smile “Oh, and how are you so sure? I would do anything-”_

_“Because you want to get in as the Ultimate Little Sister” he narrows his eyes at her “How would you be the Ultimate Little Sister if you try to get your brother’s friend expelled? A good and talented little sister would never do that!”_

_She stops for a second and smiles, clearly forcing it._ " _They are not that close; I would do them a favor by-”_

_“They are. My brother is also in 77-B, and they are all attached to each other. If your brother finds out you got one of his friends expelled, he will_ hate _you. And the school_ will _expel you. They don’t even let us in the building, how would you even do anything against_ _Mahiru_ _when she lives in the school’s dorms?”_

_For the first time,_ _Natsumi_ _was left speechless._ _Satou_ _seemed relived with the assurance that her friend would be safe._

_While the two girls were absorbing with the information,_ _Hajime_ _stood in shock by his own cold voice. He, accidentally, used I_ _zuru’s_ _tone from when he would talk down to_ _Hajime_ _like he was stupid for not understanding the obvious, and made him feel the dumbest person in the world._

_He didnt feel guilty at all, if it would make those two stop fighting every day, and probably something dangerous from happening._

_He sighs “I hope you saw reason. I don’t know if you have noticed, but neither of you are liked by our classmates, while your... relatives from the Main Course have their whole class. If you two lose one of them, you are alone. They are not. Is all of this really worth it?”_

_Both girls stood in silence looking down. Slowly,_ _Natsumi_ _was the first to walk away back to their school building._ _Satou_ _waited before doing the same._ _Hajime_ _sighed and took a seat in one of the benches, hoping that was enough._

_Without any of them noticing, gray eyes watched the whole exchange._

_The next day, he walked to the patio to eat lunch with_ _Chiaki_ _. In the middle of the way,_ _Natsumi_ _ran up to him and connected their arms together._

_“Hey, what are you doing?” he exclaimed, stopping on his tracks._

_The blonde looks at him irritated “_ _Dumbass_ _. You did that whole speech of me being alone, the least you have to do is volunteer to be my friend! Idiot!”_

_She looks away._ _Hajime_ _can see a small blush on her face. So, he just accepts the grave he dig for himself._ _Chiaki_ _doesn’t really question, and specially accepts once_ _Natsumi_ _has one or two opinions about the game they are playing._

_“It’s not like I play that much like you, I am not a loser.” she rolls her eyes “I just have... a lot of free time.”_

By yourself, you mean _,_ _Hajime_ _thinks, but doesn’t comment._

_Two days later, its_ _Satou_ _who forces her presence in their lunch._

_“_ _Mahiru_ _is sick and didn’t come to class today” she angrily sits by_ _Hajime’s_ _side “You better have me.”_

_Chiaki_ _, once again, doesn’t really question what happened. But she does ask “Do you play Pokémon?”_

_Satou_ _loves Pokémon._

_“_ _Tch_ _”_ _Natsumi_ _whispers “Another loser.” and takes her Switch out of her bag._

_They bicker. But it’s nothing aggressive like their previous fights. It’s okay._

_Things move naturally to friendship._

_Gray eyes watch its development._

* * *

“So, I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties.” 

Natsumi and Hajime just looked in completely confusion at Satou. At the silence that follows her joke, her face gets completely red. 

“Oh my god, you guys didn’t get the reference?!” 

“It sounds so stupid, I am happy I did not.” 

Hajime sighs watching them start bickering. 

They are at the Kuzuryu state, an enormous property with a traditional styled mansion and some modern recreation area, with a spa and a pool. They ate just sitting around the pool – Satou is in the water, Natsumi is taking a sun bath and Hajime is just sitting pool edge with his feet submerged. While the girls are comfortable in their swimsuits, he stays in swim shorts and a t-shirt. They went to a resort in Jabberwock Island together with 77-B during summer vacation, but it was still good to enjoy the last days of summer a little bit more before the weather started to chill. September would end soon and- 

And that’s the moment he realized that, if he was almost two months into his pregnancy, that meant he probably got pregnant in Jabberwock Resort, when he and Nagito sneaked out up to the cabins while everyone was distracted drinking at the beach. Oh.

“Hello! Earth to Hajime!” 

He blinked out of his panic daydreaming to Natsumi’s slapping fingers in front of his face. 

“God, what’s up with you?” she asks and starts walking away, yelling over her shoulder to him “If you still feel sick, get out of the sun!” 

He ignored her and looked down to Satou, still floating in the water. “Where is she going?” 

His friend looks worried at him “You were really distracted, hm? The others arrived, including her brother and Peko. She will receive them and come back here.” 

If he remembered right, Mahiru, Kazuichi and Chiaki were coming, besides Fuyuhiko and Peko who were, technically, the ones receiving them, since they lived here. He actually tried to invite Izuru but he was still in that project with the principal. He needed to question his brother more about it, it was starting to get weird so many long meetings out of school hours. 

“Hey” Satou swims closer to him and leaned on the edge by his side “Are you really okay? I know you said you were sick but you are getting some intense daydreaming. You have this... face.” 

“...I was born with this face.” 

Water is splashed at his face “Idiot. You know what I mean.” 

“I will tell you guys later.” 

“So, something _did_ happen.” 

“Yeah, but don’t worry too much.” 

“If you say so.” 

They hear voices yelling and look back to the paved path leading to the pool area. Their group walks along it, friendly talking except for Fuyuhiko and Natsumi who are bickering at each other. 

“Heyo~!” Kazuichi approaches them at the pool with a cooler “What’s up?” 

“Hey, come back here” Mahiru calls him from the barbecue area “We need to put everything in the freezer!” 

“What did you guys get?” Satou asks. 

Kazuichi smirks and rises the cooler higher for them to look at “Some snacks... and some drinks.” 

Natsumi throws a flip flop at him “And I told you we didn’t need that!” 

Fuyuhiko rolls his eyes “You are just mad because you are not eighteen yet and our parents won't let you even touch it.” 

“I am not!” 

And the bickering comes back. They all ignore it, and he moves to help Kazuichi on putting the bottles of some alcoholic drink he doesn’t bother to identify, while the girls – Mahiru and Peko – go change into swimwear. 

“Hey, Hajime!” Chiaki runs up to him and hugs him by the waist, being considerably smaller. 

“Hi, how was the championship?” he smiles and pats her head with his free hand. 

“Good. The other team was really nice even after they lost. I have my Switch with me, can we play later?” 

“If Fuyuhiko and Natsumi don’t try to kill each other and the party ends too soon.” 

The siblings look at him and yell at the same time “We will not!” 

“Dude, you okay?” Kazuichi asks him “It’s pretty hot today, you okay in that shirt?” 

“Yeah” he nods. Kazuichi knew he had a proper swim shirt that worked closely like binder, he wore it at the beach with them. “Just... needed something tighter today.” 

His friend's nods “Cool. Just say if you need anything.” 

Mahiru and Peko comeback in their bikinis, and Chiaki goes change into hers. 

“Hey, I just noticed” Satou points out “Peko doesn’t have her pet, the sword bag.” 

Peko actually gives a small laugh at the joke “We are at the Kuzuryu state. There are weapons everywhere. I don’t need my personal right now.” 

Everyone besides the Kuzuryu siblings and Peko look around as if trying to find any weapons, but none of them saw anything remotely close to one. Chiaki came back and asked what was up with the sudden tension and they just went back to whatever they were doing. 

“Hey, open a beer or something” Satou asks “I was waiting for that since Jabberwock, my parents don’t let me drink in their house.” 

“As they should” Hajime says but gives her a bottle. 

“Ha!” she laughs loud “Look at who is talking. If I record, you were laughing so loud at Ibuki's jokes, the whole island heard. You telling me you have humor enough inside of you to do that while sober?” 

He rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah, we got shit faced back there” Kazuichi laughs. 

“’We’?” Mahiru rises higher the jar of juice she has in her hands, they probably got it from the mansion’s kitchen, to show them “You all are lucky some of us didn’t drink anything. Because we know the _law_.” 

Chiaki smiles “You and Satou are so different. It’s funny.” 

Mahiru blushes and silent starts to pour the juice in a few glasses. He takes one, only Satou, Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko seem to be drinking. Natsumi looks envious at them, pouting, her pink cheeks popping out more. 

At some point, the mentions of the resort make him daydream a little bit more, but he is trying to keep at least half of his mind into the conversation. He isn't really thinking about anything in particularly, just remembering there is a baby growing in his belly right now. 

“Oh, Hajime” Chiaki notices the orange juice he is drinking “Kazuichi got enough stuff for you to drink as well.” 

“Yeah, I thought you were going to drink with us.” 

“Hm, I am not drinking...” 

Satou looks up from her beer “Why not?” 

“Because I’m pregnant.” 

It took who knows how many long seconds in pure silence for him to notice what he just blurted out loud. Looking up, he sees all of his friends with collective shocked faces and jaws dropped. He looks away and takes a sip from his glass. 

“Hm... Hajime” Chiaki, always with a cooler mind, asks in a kind voice “Are you really pregnant?” 

“Hm... yeah.” 

“Oh. Congratulations.” 

“Thanks.” 

A loud noise follows up. 

Natsumi is suddenly standing with a katana in her hand and a murderous aura. 

“Who is _the bastard_ who did this to you? And why _the fuck_ aren’t they here?” 

Satou stands up furious “ _Kazuichi_!” 

“What?! Why me?!” 

“You are the only one with a dick that could actually top Hajime here!” 

“Are you calling me a bottom?!” 

“Shup up, Fuyuhiko! No way a woman like Peko is a bottom!” 

“Please do not get me involved in this.” 

“Satou is right. No other cis man is close to Hajime!” 

“Oh, yeah, only _all the other cis guys in 77-B_!” 

He sighs as his friends start fight in front of him. At least they don’t seem to badly judge him, they are just worried. 

Chiaki comes to his side and smiles kindly.

“Can I get them baby gamer merch?” 

He smiles gently and pats his best friend’s head “Of course.” 

* * *

Once everyone calmed down enough, they gave up whatever they were going to drink and took the chairs to seat in a circle. 

“Blahblahblah, congratulations for the parasite in your uterus” Natsumi rolls her eyes “Now. Who is the bastard?” 

“Natsumi!” Mahiru apprehends her. Natsumi only ‘tsks’. “Hm, so... Congratulations, Hajime! How far are you?” 

“Almost two months. The exams showing exactly how long I am are not ready it. But you know... Can’t really not have at least an idea of... when it happened.” 

“Was it the reason you got sick this week? And why Izuru was so weird?” he simply nods at Kazuichi’s questions “Dawn, but congrats. I guess.” 

“But still” Satou speaks up “We didn’t even know you were dating someone. Did you, Chiaki?” 

She shaes her head in a “no”, her pink locks moving along her head “I had no idea. I was just as shocked as you all. It wasn’t even a possibility because I thought he was single.” 

“I... mean...” he says, quietly, attracting all eyes on him “Technically, we were... never something official.” 

His friends look pity for the sadness he is expressing. 

“Oh, I will spay who did this to you” Natsumi hisses “So? Even if you two are not together, he has to take responsibility. Has he done it yet?” 

“Natsumi” Fuyuhiko hisses but his eyes are just as serious. He closes his hand in a fist “Even if the asshole doesn't want to take any, we will make sure he does.” 

Peko straightens up her posture as a silent support. 

Hajime sighs and sits back in his chair “He doesn’t know yet. I... should have told him already, but I cowered when the chance came up.” 

“You still haven't said who ‘he’ is. Since Kazuichi refuses to confess-” “Hey!” “Who is it?” 

“We can cross Teruteru and Nagito from the list, leaving Gundham, Ryouta and Nekomaru.” 

“Oh, c’mon!” he tries to hide his panic on hearing Nagito’s name being counted as a “no”. “It could be someone from another class, from another school! From the Reserve Department!” 

“When did you even get an opportunity to do so? You are not that sympathetic.” 

“Natsumi...” 

"And the rest of the Reserve Department thinks you have an huge ego because you have the Ultimate Hope as your brother, so they don't get much close.” Satou explains. 

“Ok, I think Hajime wants to talk to this guy before anything” Chiaki comes in his defense “As his baby’s god mother, I think we should wait.” 

Thanks to Chiaki, the topic flees far away from the baby’s father to who would be the god parents. He sighs gladly for her distraction. His phone vibrates in his pocket and he takes it off. 

_From: school office_

_[I tried to get a can of lemon juice from the_ _snack_ _machines in my dorm.]_

_[It broke down and spilled all cans of orange juice it had. Weird right? I didn’t even want orange...]_

_[Thinking about me? <3] _

He holds a smile back and just answers _“why would I be?”,_ to which Nagito sends a broken heart. He puts his phone back into his pocket and watches his friends still bickering, but still supporting him at the end of the day. 

Even if Nagito and him broke off after this, he was glad with the amount of support he already had. 

But he still had high hopes things would turn well between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was more a "rip off the band-aid" that is telling his friends of the pregnancy and their reactions. the real drama starts the next chapter since hajime has to deal with this complicated relationship with nagito from now one.  
> i hope you all enjoyed even with so little komahina!


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i promised a chapter of komahina and only komahina but I promise there is a point in the project izuru got himself in thats another version of the kamukura project but since he is his own persona here it has to be different  
> ALSO i did a small change in the last chapter and sent them to jabbewock island instead of a beach house for summer vacation. why didnt i think of that before????  
> english isnt my first language so i hope you all forgive me for any mistakes <3  
> if you dont get the gc name look for "how is prangent formed" on youtube

On the same day, after they all went home, Chiaki made a group chat. 

**_GC [am i gregnant?]_ **

_[izuru] so_ _its_ _not_ _kazuichi_ _?_

_[_ _kazuichi_ _] oh for the love of GOD._ _NO,_ _I DID NOT BANG HAJIME_

_[_ _natsumi_ _] but you wish you did_

_[_ _kazuichi_ _] look, everyone had a crush on_ _hajime_ _and thought about how his ass would >feel< at some point _

_[izuru] give me NAMES_

_[mahiru] god I hate cis men_

_[satou] god I hate cis men_

_[natsumi] god I hate cis men_

_[peko] miss, your brother is a cis man_

_[natsumi] GOD I HATE CIS MEN_

_[fuyuhiko] I SWEAR I WILL PUNCH YOU NATSUMI_

_[_ _hajime_ _] thank you for adding “cis” in front of it, makes me feel valid_

_[_ _chiaki_ _] always <3 _

He puts his phone away with a smile and just lays down with his eyes closed for a while, not really in the mood to join them. Three days passed since he told his friends about the baby. And he still needed an opening to invite Nagito over and tell him about it. 

He was counting on Izuru and Akihiko going out for the whole project thing but it still needed to happen. Deciding it was time to question his brother about it, he got up and walked to Izuru’s bedroom. 

“Hey” he knocks on the door and hears a brief “hum” from the other side, allowing him to open the door. “Can I talk to you?” 

Izuru is typing something in his laptop and nods without looking away from it. Hajime walks to his bed and takes a sit looking around. There wasn’t really any décor. The walls were plainly white, and the furniture was black, just like his own, but he had added stickers and random notes over the years making it look more like himself. Izuru’s bedroom had everything perfectly intact like it was bought yesterday. There was a portray of flowers painted by his mother, that she probably added herself. Oh, there was a trans pride flag Izuru got when he took Hajime to the pride parade by force. He didn’t really want to go out that day, but did have some fun at the end of the day. 

“Am I interrupting you?” he asks, just to be polite. He knows Izuru can pay attention to more than one thing at the same time. 

“No” the other answers simply. 

“Hm, you and Akihiko-” 

“Just call him ‘dad’. I call your mom, ‘mom’.” 

“Hm, I really- It's-it's still kind of weird, ok?” 

“If you say so.” 

He sighs “A-Anyways, what is that about the project Hope’s Peak got you in? You left for that so many times and for some days, and suddenly haven't gone yet this week.” 

“Nothing important” he actually turns around this time to talk eye to eye to him “They wanted to study how my brain works to find out how I learn any kind of subject so quickly.” 

“Didn't they just presume you are born knowing all of that?” 

“Nobody, even the Ultimates, can be born knowing something. People think they do but it’s all about opportunity or necessity to learn.” 

“Hm... I see...” he moves in his sit, a little uncomfortable having some of his insecurities about the Main Course remembered “So...? Did you accept it? Or did you say ‘no’?” 

“Both. We started a few reports in my life. But I gave up after they wanted you in.” 

His eyes go wide with the new information “Me? Why?” 

“We grew up mostly together, they think maybe somethings from me rubbed off on you and they didn’t notice. Wanted to study that. So, I gave up.” 

“You could have told me! It sounds interesting, I wouldn’t mind helping-” 

“ _No._ ” Izuru’s voice is suddenly sharp and Hajime is taken back by it “Hope’s Peak wouldn't hesitate to make human tests if they consider it could bring something interesting from. I said no because I don’t want them to poke you with any syringes, especially with the baby.” 

“Hope’s Peak... does human tests?” 

“Yes, but you didn’t hear it from me and you better not go telling anyone, it would cause a massive chaos.” 

“Izuru...” he shakes his head trying to forget about it “Still, that was my decision to make. Call them and say I can do some reports and stuff like that. I don’t have anything special, anyways.” 

“No.” 

“C’mon, it sounds like an interesting thing. They could find out how Ultimate Talents work.” 

“That’s just you trying to get me to live through your insecurities because you would definitely do that if you had a Talent just because it would mean you have a talent.” 

Ouch “Ok, a little bit.” he massages his forehead feeling a headache coming up “It hurts even more when you say it with such a straight face...” 

“...Sorry.” 

And he actually sounds like it. Hajime sighs and looks into his brother’s eyes. 

“Please. I really think it would be helpful.” 

“No.” 

They keep the exchange of looks for a while, waiting for one of them give up. They could go like this for hours, most times Hajime would lose, but mostly because Izuru doesn’t even blink during this small fight and that scares the shit out of him. 

But he needs more time alone at home for his plan. 

Their mom calls them for dinner and both ignore. 

She tries to come looking for them when they take too long to go downstairs, they both ignore her. 

Izuru is probably surprised by his dedication and looks away first. 

“ _Fine_. But they are only taking reports from you.” 

He smiles “Thank you.” 

They finally go down for dinner and his mom says something along the lines of “you are not even twins to keep doing that”. They look so much alike they could be mistaken for such; it was so weird. 

* * *

The next day, he is playing games with Chiaki after school and Izuru joins them after a while, and tells him he already has a new appointment the next day. 

While Izuru and Chiaki get into an intense fight in some game – they will probably break it before any of them win – he takes off his phone. 

_To: school office_

_[Hey]_

_[Heeeeey_ _hajime_ _ <3 <3 <3] _

_[Wanna come over tomorrow after school?]_

_[Finally!! I miss you <3] _

_[Don’t think something stupid, bring your school notes]_

_[I_ _can't_ _do math, need your help]_

_[ D: ]_

_[you don’t need math; I will just pay your bills forever]_

_[sounds like we are_ _gonna_ _get married or something]_

_[if you will have some low life like me as something so wonderful as your life partner <3] _

_[_ _nagito t_ _hat sounds gay]_

_[thank god it does]_

_[it took so long for you to notice I was_ _hitting_ _on you]_

_[I_ _won't_ _hesitate anymore]_

_[on my defense, in front of everyone you would say you hate me]_

_[and when it was just us, you would talk about some hope inside of me]_

_[you were so slow, that’s why I pulled you in that closet]_

_[what about my consent?]_

_[you kissed me back without questioning]_

_[not the point]_

_[you are lucky I always thought your face was pretty]_

_[you think someone as hideous as me... is pretty??]_

_[oh,_ _tsuntsun_ _, that’s so sweet]_

_[your face is all red now,_ _isnt_ _it?]_

_[… stop calling me ‘_ _tsun_ _tsun_ _’]_

_[hajime is so cute, it just makes me want to keep calling you that]_

_[but it would lose the effect._ _gotta_ _keep it for special_ _occasions_ _]_

_[_ _nagito_ _...]_

_[stop it,_ _chiaki_ _and_ _izuru_ _are by my side, they will notice]_

_[oh, sorry]_

_[but just so you know, I think_ _hajime_ _is pretty too <3] _

_[oh look they finished the game]_

_[_ _hahaha_ _yeah ok]_

_[but seriously]_

_[I want you to come over tomorrow cause]_

_[there is something important I need to talk to you about]_

_[hmmm I wonder what is that...]_

_[did... something happen?]_

_[no, nothing... bad, like you are thinking]_

_[hm... ok]_

_[talk to you later <3] _

_[ <3] _

_[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]_

_[ <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3] _

He puts his phone away and tries to hold back a smile as Chiaki pouts angrily at Izuku, who holds a broken PSP. He pats her shoulder laughing. 

“So, who won?” 

“Nobody. _Again_.” 

* * *

_After their random make out_ _session_ _, there was a long-standing silence. But they didn’t let go of each other, they just stood there panting getting their breath back._

_The Reserve Corse students had permission to come in the Main Course building to watch some competition the_ _Ultimates_ _were holding, a big show off and reminder of their place. He didn’t_ _expect_ _to go to the bathroom and get pulled by Nagito, out of all people, to the janitors closet to fool around._

_Yeah, he had noticed how beautiful Nagito was even with their strange relationship. Maybe, if not for the insults the other would throw in front of people, he would have a huge crush for the boy. Or he already had a huge crush. He didn’t know, but he also didn’t think much before accepting the kisses and hands traveling his body._

_He looked to the person in front of him, who was looking back into his eyes as if he was searching for his soul. Nagito was pretty. Handsome. Beautiful. And his dedication to his own ideals was kind of attractive even if weird. Yeah, he could probably come out as the person who exploded de gymnasium and Hajime would think “holy shit, that’s hot”._

_“Ok” he sighs, his hands still in Nagito’s shoulders, holding him still when the boy tried to give some space “What was that?”_

_Nagito blushes._ Cute _. “Pretty obvious, isn't it? I like you. Your hope shines brightly.”_

_“Like me?” his eyes are wide in surprise “Y_ _ou..._ Like me _?”_

_“Yes” the smile he gives is kind, his cheeks reddish in contrast to his pale_ _skin. “Although_ _the reserve course students are a pity to watch, you truly have something amazing about yourself that I quite enjoy.”_

_“You called me a ‘fat pig’ and got kicked from the bleachers by my brother, like, 15 minutes ago.”_

_“Huh?” he genuinely looks confused “I have been leaving hints all over the place. I thought I had made my intentions clear.”_

_“Ok, you have something wrong with your way of thinking.”_

_This time he was the one to initiate the kiss._

_Guess he was attracted to madness now._

_At some point they needed to go back to the gymnasium. Nagito left first. With Hajime’s number saved on his phone._

* * *

He asks his mom if she can leave them alone the next day. She is okay with that and decides to go with Izuru and Akihiko to the whole research thing. “I can text you when we are coming back”, she says, and he is grateful Nagito won't need to jump out of his window for another day. 

They try to ask him if the baby’s dad already knows about it and he evades the question by asking his mom if she can help him plan the next doctor’s appointments. Izuru glares at him but he just ignores it. 

The next day, he goes home straight away with his heart in his hand. 

_Ok_ , he tells himself, _you can do it._

Nagito arrives almost immediately as his family turns the corner. As soon as the door is closed behind them, his partner is pulling him into a kiss. 

“Hey” he laughs between urgent kisses “What’s- what’s that?” 

“Your mom isn't home” his kisses fall to his neck “Have you all to myself.” 

He laughs. The kisses were more tickling than actual malicious. He pulls Nagito back up and gently kisses him. He takes Nagito to the living room and gets immediately pulled to the couch. His partner hugs him with all his members like an octopus and lays his head on his chest. Hajime runs his fingers through white locks. 

“Hey” he says “If you miss me that much you can always call me.” 

“You can't get into my dorm” Nagito murmurs, almost like he is purring content against his chest “And even if you could, people would see. It would be weird...” 

His smile falls but he doesn’t stop running his fingers through his hair. 

“Hm, maybe I could get a permission or something, if you asked. And most of the students at the dorms go home during weekends. I could give some excuse. My mom would help me.” 

“Hm...” Nagito hums against his chest and opens his eyes. There is something sad in them. “Maybe.” 

“C’mon. We can make something work.” 

“Hm...” 

_This won't do_ , he decides. He understands their relationship starting as a secret because of... differences, they couldn’t just one moment hate each other and in the next be sucking each other's faces. Also, the whole “Izuru is waiting for a reason to struggle Nagito” thing. But at this point? He just wanted to go on a date, in public, to have simple moments that he can just go have lunch with his _boyfriend_ . It sounded out of character coming from him, but it's not like he wanted some intense PDA, like Nagito was probably a huge fan of. No. He just wanted for people to actually see them and say “they are dating”. He was _pregnant_ , he couldn’t just keep their relationship a secret forever when there was a baby involved.

He needed to get Nagito out of that shell before saying anything. 

“Ok, then” he pushes “I will ask Mahiru or Kazuichi if everyone in their class is leaving. Oh, maybe I get the permission from them. I just visit them in the morning, pretend I am going home at lunch but walk to your room, instead. What do you think?” 

“...It could work” he actually has a wondering expression, his eyes have some sparkle in them “Hm, but what about when you have to leave?” 

“I will just walk out evading them. Nobody will see me.” 

“Hm... I can do some lunch for us.” 

He smiles and hugs him back stronger. Nagito’s eyes shiny happily at the affection and also snuggles back in his hold. Ok, it’s a start. A little more now. 

“What if instead of just spending the whole evening in your dorm, maybe we could see an exposition?” 

Nagito tenses “Exposition...?” 

“There is an art exposition going on this weekend. It’s a bit far, but looks interesting.” 

Nagito moves, suddenly uncomfortable, and forces a laugh “Hahaha, Hajime. You are not interested in art.” 

“I wanted to do something different." His voice grows quieter at the unsaid rejection “I wanted to... go on a date.” 

Nagito freezes in his hold. He holds his breath waiting afraid for the other’s reaction. 

Nagito lays his hands in the couch by Hajime’s sides to pull himself up, still over the other. Surprising, his eyes look at him softly, hopeful, loving. His cheeks blush. 

“Oh, Hajime” one of his hands move to his face and caress his cheek “I would love to go on a date with you.” 

But he never confirms it. 

They watch a movie together and Hajime tries to pretend there isn’t something wrong. They just enjoy their evening together in his house like they are a normal couple. 

When Nagito his hugging him from behind and starts to mindlessly caress his belly, affectionate, there is a heavy weight in his throat, pushing to confess. 

Again, he doesn’t. 

“Oh, you said you had something important to talk about” Nagito says suddenly after sometime. 

He turns around in the other’s arms “Hm, it was about the date thing.” Nagito makes a face and he changes the topic “I really wanted to go, ok? But also, I got myself in a project from Hope’s Peak with Izuru.” 

His partner's eyes light up at the information “From Hope’s Peak? Wow, what is it?” 

“Hm, they want to test if our coexistence since younger somehow affected me. Maybe I have something different close to an ultimate talent but there wasn’t any opportunity for it to show. According to Izuru, some students from the Main Course are going to monitor us.” 

Nagito smiles “That’s so cool, imagine? You’d be even better than all those parasites from your course.” 

“Hey, those parasites are my friends” he frowns “And I am still a Reserve Course student, you are calling me a parasite, too.” 

Nagito tills his head to the side, genuinely innocently confused “Of course I am not. You are Hajime.” 

_Hajime from the Reserve Course_ , he completes in his head. 

“Jeez” he sighs and turns around to be spooned (which Nagito happily does so) while they watch the movie “You sound like you are ashamed of me or something.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason, ao3 keeps fucking up my text after i post it adding random spaces between words, i wonder what is going on...


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, holidays and online classes happened.  
> Before this chapter there are a few warnings 
> 
> First, pls correct me if I ever write anything that can be offensive to any transgender. I am not trans, but I am doing my best  
> Second, I thought all big sex mentions could be avoided but you know... that’s how babies are made. So yeah the flashback in this chapter has a little of nsfw but its not the main point. Should I add a tag for this kind of stuff?  
> Third, FOCUS ON DYSPHORIA IN THE FLASHBACK
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

He gets a pass for the Main Course dorms from Kazuichi, promising they will hang out on Saturday, but the school faculty leading their research on Izuru gives him another opportunity to be there. They schedule an appointment for him with Yasuke Matsuda, the Ultimate Neurologist, on Saturday Morning, in the Main Course’s clinical department. Izuru also has his own appointment with someone else. But he keeps the pass, just in case he runs into Sakakura again. He doesn’t want to get kicked _again_. For _no reason_. 

“Hm...” he narrows his eyes reading the name on his appointments file, given to them the previous day “Matsuda?” 

They are in the car driving towards the school, and Hajime takes the time to wonder if Izuru knows the student. 

“We are in some projects together” Izuru says “For me? He is whatever. For you? He is an _asshole_. Kind of reminds me of you.” 

He sighs seeing the trouble coming “ _Chaotic_ asshole. All ultimate students are _chaotic_.” 

Izuru nods, as if he isn't one of them himself. 

He asks more questions. Basically, they will do, today, just what a normal doctor appointment would follow as if they are just checking out his health status, and compare to older medical profiles he has done in the past. Next week they would follow to more psychological stuff. Any other phases were not mentioned, and this made both brothers uneasy. But they would go along. Hope’s Peak couldn’t do anything that wasn’t part of the contract they assigned. 

They went to security check when they arrived, the school’s guards checking their school ID’s and a bunch of documents their parents needed to bring. He pretended to not notice Sakakura’s harsh glare on him. 

“At least you have permission this time” the chief of the security says. 

“I always have permission” he says once the guard checking his school ID is finished “You just ignore it.” 

Before the other can punch him or something, he quickly follows after his brother into the school. 

There is a student waiting to guide them, he doesn’t bother to pay attention to who they introduce themselves as. He is paying more attention to the environment he is in. He might be over the obsession of getting into this course, but he is still envious of how privileged they are. The building has a perfect temperature, there are rays of sunlight coming out of the windows, and really grandiose decoration. It feels good to be there. Unlike the cold prison the Reserve Building looks like. 

As they turn a corner, the hallways are suddenly white and hold signals that makes it look like a real hospital. 

“Kamukura-kun, please wait for your student-doctor at room number one” they say “Hinata-kun, yours is already there waiting for you. The parents can follow me.” 

Both brothers wait until their parents have turned around the corner to enter the rooms they were directed to. They look at each other and give a synchronized nod of support before following their ways. 

Once seeing Matsuda, Hajime’s first thought was “ _fuck, he has an_ _ahoge_ _, this can't be good_ ”. Ibuki told him something about “ _ahoges_ _that attracts huge stuff_ ” once and after three years in this school he started to believe it. 

The Ultimate doesn’t move once he closes the door, or says anything, he just keeps selecting some papers to a clipboard. 

“Hm, Hi” he says and the Ultimate rises his eyes from the file to him “I am Hajime Hinata.” 

Matsuda sighs and gets up from his chair “Sit down.” 

_Wow, cold._ Hajime looked around at the room and noticed a clinical examination table. He sat down on it, and waited watching Matsuda checking the papers he selected on the clipboard. Matsuda stops in front of him. 

“Ok, pay attention.” Matsuda says and points at him with his pen “I will ask some basic questions, you answer and we get this shit done as soon as possible.” 

“Hm” he hesitates “Ok...?” 

Matsuda’s questions at first were just background checking for his clinical profile. Name, age, birthday, he got up so he could get his height and arterial pressure measured. 

“Ok” Matsuda grabbed a stethoscope “Take off your shirt.” 

His face blushed immediately “My-my shirt? For what?!” 

“Why so startled? Never been to a doctor before?” Matsuda rolls his eyes “C’mon, just need to listen to you heart and other stuff. 

“Hm, yeah, you see...” his binder feels suddenly tighter “Do I... really need to?” 

“Yes.” Matsuda looks angrier. 

With his face burning, he raised his shaking hands to lift his shirt over his head, not looking at Matsuda. He was ok on just standing in his binder in front of his friends and family because they accepted him, he knew he was safe around them. But he didn’t know how Matsuda would react knowing he was trans. 

Once he left his shirt by his side on the table, he finally looked up to Matsuda, who hasn't said a single word while he stripped. 

The Ultimate Neurologist stood with a blank face. No emotions whatsoever, and a slightly dropped jaw. It reminded him of Izuru but not so frustrated or bored. Just blank. Frozen. 

“Are you...” Matsuda’s tight on the pen before more forceful, his anger started to show “Are you fucking kidding me?!” 

He backed away as he could on the table at first, but then his own anger raised and he moved his body ahead again. 

“Hey!” he yelled “What the fuck?! That’s disrespectful! If you have a problem with my gender, I don’t-” 

“I don’t have a problem with your gender!” Matsuda yelled and threw his arms up “I have a problem that I wasn’t told about it beforehand! Fuck, this will take much longer than I thought!” 

He stomped over to his desk – his sandals slapping on the floor in an annoying sound – and looked around for another paper to add to the one already in his clipboard. 

Hajime stood in shock waiting for the next turn of questions. Ok, he expected invalidation and got a reaction of someone who probably haven't slept for a week and suddenly found out he wouldn’t sleep for another one. He didn’t think his biological gender would have such an effect on the appointment, and he was almost 100% sure his school files mentioned he was transgender. 

Matsuda pulled a chair this time to sit down. 

“Ok, I guess just doctor questions now. No measurements this time. First question, how has your transition been until now?” 

“Hm...” he blinked and took a second to put his thoughts in order “I haven't done any surgeries of any kind.” 

“Ok, let’s follow the right steps first, you are jumping way ahead of it, pay attention.” 

“Hm, okay?” 

“Have you gone to a psychologist first before deciding you were a dude?” 

Not very tactical, but he went along with it “Yes, I started going when I was ten.” 

“So, at this point, you have already started with hormone therapy?” 

“Yes, I begin hormone therapy with testosterone last year” he picks up his shirt and puts it back on. 

“What kind?” 

“Hm, patches.” 

“Just that?” he rises an eyebrow. 

“Yeah. My mom doesn’t want me injecting anything until I graduate, she is kind of scared of this stuff, even if she supports me.” 

“I couldn’t care less. Anyways, what about menstrual cycles? How are they after a year in this?” 

“Kind of weird, actually” he isn’t as nervous as before and starts drifting as he thinks about this stuff and talks “It’s weaker, but some months it doesn’t happen, while others it comes once or twice. My doctor said it was normal. ” 

Matsuda hums while writing it down. “Are you sexually active?” 

“Ye-yes.” 

“What is your contraceptive method?” 

“Ju-just condoms.” 

He waits for _the_ question, but it never comes. 

Matsuda hums again, looking much calmer “Does the school have files from your doctor about your intake of hormones?” 

“I think so, but I can bring a more recent one. I don’t think I did it since I enrolled in the school.” 

“Ok” Matsuba gets up from his chair and takes some kind of kit with syringe, tubes and other things “Now, I will take a blood sample.” 

“Wait, what?!” he is taken back once again and Matsuda takes in a deep breath while putting on gloves “Wait, I thought you were just the Ultimate Neurologist.” 

“I will follow your studies through the whole project. I better be the one knowing all of your vitals. Hope’s Peak medical department is fucking crazy, anyways. Now, let’s go?” 

He looks at the strap meant to create pressure on his arm and gulps. Blood tests. Like the one he did to make sure he was really pregnant and the pharmacy test wasn’t just a false positive. Would they give up in the project if they did? 

If they knew a reserve course student got pregnant when they are still in their teens, would they do anything to keep the school’s good image? 

“Having second thoughts?” Matsuda questions “It’s just a blood test like any other. You should be used to it, being on hormone therapy.” 

“It’s, hm” he keeps his eyes on the strap “What will they find out with it?” 

“Anything a blood test can show, they will check.” 

_Oh, well fuck._

“I don’t get it” Matsuda lowers the strap “What are you so worried about- Oh.” his face goes blank again “Are you kidding me?” 

Giving up, knowing Matsuda already realized, with a sigh, he rests his elbows on his knees and lowers his head “I am pregnant.” 

Hajime was so damn tired of saying those words and there is so many people to say it yet. 

Matsuda puts the kit on the table and takes a sit again. 

“Did you- did you just agree to a project by Hope’s Peak Academy, by this madness of a school, while carrying a baby? Do you want to get rid of it that badly?!” 

He blushes at the accusation. “Of course not, they said they would just to psychological stuff and some tests.” 

“Look, I am a Neurologist, so I know some things about how a pregnancy can change someone” he takes the clipboard with Hajime’s profile “This project? They left the third and on meetings open because they were definitely going to try to convince you to do other kinds of tests besides psychological and other unharmful stuff. And even if we stay in the unharmful tests, the pregnancy changes your mental state, your vitals, God, you said you were using patches, but you already stopped using them, right?” 

He feels his cheeks getting hot again “Ye-yeah, I just... It’s a recent discovery. I will have to pull out from this?” 

“I think you should. But if they know about the pregnancy, maybe they will actually treat you as a human and not fuck you up.” he remembered the human tests Izuru mentioned and a shiver went down his spine “It’s your choice. It’s just a Reserver Course’s child, they wouldn’t really care.” 

“Hm, and what if the dad is actually in the Main Course?” 

There is silence. 

Once again with a blank expression, Matsuda says “You really did dig yourself a hole.” 

* * *

At the end of the meeting, Matsuda still needs to take his blood samples no matter his decision since he still has a contract to follow until the end of the second meeting. The Ultimate Neurologist updates his file once again including the pregnancy details. He leaves the clinic and meets his family waiting at the end of the hall. 

“You took so long, is everything okay?” his mom asks worried. 

“Yeah” he nods “Had to, you know, explain about the pregnancy.” 

Izuru watches him closely “And...?” 

His brother is worried about the conditions “Well, they will probably stay away from trying to modify my DNA or something like that because of it. But who knows? The worst they can do is cancel this whole project and we move on.” 

“I don’t trust this school, Hajime” Izuru narrows his eyes “Tell me if they try anything.” 

Hajime gives a small smile “I will. Now, are we all done?” 

They are. While his family leaves to go back home, he excuses himself in order to go see “his friend” at the dorms. When they are gone, he sends a message to Kazuichi saying how he is sorry but he could not make it since there is still paperwork to deal. And then, a message asking Nagito if he can come to his room. 

After his answer came, he made sure to keep this permission and school ID in hand and walked to the boy’s third year dorm. A path he already walked once. 

* * *

_The first time he went to Nagito’s dorm room, something inside of them silent decided they needed to take the chance to be intimate the way they have been wanting for a while, but were too scared of being caught at Hajime’s house._

_They touched each other like they desired to, but were too afraid on not being able to stop. It was like some fire had been lit and neither could think about anything else besides how good skin against skin felt. He took his time exploring Nagito’s upper body with his mouth, and the other whined in pleasure at every red mark left in his neck and chest._

_Hajime_ _stripped him to his underwear, and so his partner moves to removing his clothes. The cloth sliding through his hot sensitive skin sent shivers down his spine all the way to his groin. It felt so good._

_Until Nagito’s hands remove his binder._

_Cold air touched his breast and suddenly his reality came back._

_“No-no” he barely whispers and removes_ _Nagito’s_ _hands away from his body “S-stop, wait!”_

_Nagito_ _immediately, although confused, does as said and sits up along with_ _Hajime_ _, who tries to find his binder through the fog that has taken his mind. “_ _Hajime_ _? Are you okay? Did-did I do something wrong? I-I am so sorry-”_

_He desperately shakes his head and stops moving when he gives up on thinking in general. He knows what_ _Nagito_ _is thinking: blaming himself and his “disgusting touch”, a phase they took a while to move on during their little more intimate sessions before this._

_“My-my binder” he whispers taking deep breaths “Get-get it for me.”_

_Nagito doesn’t wait a second before helping him recovering his binder and putting it back on. He lets himself fall on the bed and take deep breaths. Nagito stays quiet, still not touching him, but has a wary look on him._

_When his breathing is finally stable, Nagito still doesn’t touch him, but finally speaks “Do you want me to get anything else for you? I can run to the school’s pharmacy. Or_ _i_ _-if it’s me, then-”_

_“Stop” Hajime whispers with his eyes closed “You are not the problem Nagito, you never are.”_

_Nagito chuckles “What a silly thing to say, Hajime. If anything, it’s the thought of someone as disgusting as myself touching a perfection such as yourself. I am so sorry; I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.”_

_Oh, what a time for both of their biggest insecurities to get into conflict. When they were about to lose their virginities, yes, perfect timing._

_At least, the frustration he gets of Nagito’s low self-esteem made the fog disperse more. He sat up and looked into his partners sad eyes, a contrast to the happy smile he tried to use to cover it up._

_“I am the problem” he firmly says “I-I am the_ disgusting _one_ _.”_

_“Disgusting?”_ _Nagito’s_ _shocked voice repeats “No, of course you are not. How could you ever be?”_

_He takes another deep breath “I- my body-”_

_“There is nothing wrong with your body.”_

_“There is!”_

_“_ _Hajime_ _!”_ _Nagito’s_ _loud tone gets rid of the fog that he didn’t notice was growing again “Sorry. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. What is this really about?”_

_He looks away. A hand hesitantly looks for his, not really holding it, just gently touching._

_“_ _Hajime_ _?”_

_“How can you want this body?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“_ _Nagito_ _, you are_ gay _. You are attracted to_ men _.” He looks up anxious to the surprised eyes of his partner “How-How can you not find... it disgusting? The moment you would have realized, you would... you would...”_

_The hand touches his again, now holding it, silencing him._

_“Would I what?”_ _Nagito_ _questions “Please, tell me clearly how you feel so I can help you.”_

_It takes a few seconds in silence for him to transforms his feelings into words._

_“I hate it. I am- I am a bisexual trans man. I already understand... social values, and because of it I can't look at it and just- not think that for most part of society, I am still a female.” he knows his hands are shaking “Nagito, how can you be attracted to a female's body?”_

_Nagito_ _sighs and gently holds_ _Hajime’s_ _face between his hands “I see a male’s handsome body. It doesn’t matter what social standards made by the hopeless say. Your body is a male body.”_

_He is gently kissed in the lips. When Nagito slowly moves away, his smile is back, and the look of absolute adoration he shows takes Hajime’s breath away once again._

_“Please” Nagito lowers himself, down between his legs “Let this pitiful human show how he adores it.”_

* * *

He is thankful not a single know face came across his path to Nagito’s room. The hallways were weirdly empty, but not something he would question. Just be grateful. 

“Hajime!” Nagito greets him like a happy puppy opening the door and gives him space to come in “It’s a pleasure to have you again.” 

He blushes knowing well what happened to one time he got to come over. 

“Didn't see a single person on my way here” he says and smiles “See? No one will know I was here.” 

The words are bittersweet in his own mouth, especially with Nagito’s doubtful eyes. 

“I made lunch for us” Nagito shows him the two medium bento boxes on his desk “The dorm’s kitchen had a lot of stuff today. I hope I choose something of your liking.” 

He did, as always. They eat together in Nagito’s bed, laying side by side on each other while the TV shows something neither really care. They just chat, Hajime tells him how normal the exams he did were – not mentioning the small disaster at the end – since Nagito is really interested in the project. They talk until the lunch boxes are empty and Nagito moves to leave them at his desk for now. 

Hajime lays comfortable on the bed, spreading himself comfortably. He looks around and notices the multiple orange bottles of drugs Nagito takes for his treatment on the bedside table. When they started their new relationship, he found out about the other’s medical condition. That he didn't take care at all because “what is the point, if I’m going to die anyways?”. With lots of late-night talks and giving him the care to live for, Hajime convinced him on looking for help at Hope’s Peak clinical department. 

They enjoyed studying his case and created multiple drugs to test. He already lived more than the doctors believed he would, and his condition was getting better every checkup. He sighs happily. 

Hajime wondered if Izuru knew the drugs he was helping develop were saving Nagito’s life. 

Nagito climbs unto the bed and hugs Hajime’s waist, resting his head on his belly. Hajime runs his fingers through the white fluffly locks. 

“Hm, are you using the conditioner Sonia recommended? It’s softer...” he wonders out loud. 

“Yeah” Nagito murmurs against his belly, comfortable “Hm, Hajime is soft too...” 

He chuckles “I might not be as skinny as you, but I still am. My doctor is worried the hormone therapy didn't make me gain weight at all.” 

“Hm” Nagito hums again, eyes closed “Maybe it’s starting to. You are getting a tummy.” 

His heart skips a beat. He knows it's probably normal body fat, he isn't close enough to be showing any physical signs of his pregnancy. Not even his morning sickness are happening that frequently. If not by his mother’s attentiveness, he would end up like those people who give birth when they didn't even know they were pregnant. He would probably fault it on his hormone therapy. 

"Hmmmmm” Nagito hums content and sings “ _So chubby~_ ” 

He pulls the other’s ear. 

“Stop calling me fat.” 

“Ouch.” 

“Hey” he starts conversation when a topic comes into his mind suddenly “Have you... thought about what to do after graduating?” 

Nagito opens his eyes that only shows blankness and tiredness. “I will lock myself in my house and never come out again.” 

“You need to work to live.” 

“I will just live off on lottery tickets, I will win every time anyways.” 

Rolling his eyes, he slaps the other’s nape who laughs it off. “ _Hajime_ _~ stop hitting me~_ ” 

“Then stop asking for it.” he sighs “I am serious. I have no idea what I am going to do.” 

_Besides having a baby, so let me check on your thoughts._

“Hm” Nagito rises himself on his elbows and looks at him in the eyes “Didn't you say you wanted to go to med school?” 

“Yeah” he bites his lip and looks away “Just- scared, I guess. What if it’s a bad decision and I spend the rest of my life if something that doesn’t make me happy at all?” 

“Hm.” Nagito sits up “I guess it’s a valid reason. Everyone fears the future.” he laughs “I fear mine every day!” 

“C’mon, stop it” he sits up as well “What kind of future you think will make you happy?” 

Nagito stays quiet and looks away, his smile simply neutral as he thinks. He suddenly smiles and stretched forward to give him a peck on the lips and a loving smile. 

“To live my whole life with Hajime. To have a family with him.” 

His cheeks heat up. 

_Nagito, I swear to God, if I got pregnant because one day you suddenly thought something so_ _corny as_ _that, and your Ultimate Lucky worked on its own, I will fucking kill you._

He tsks “Take me on a date first.”

“No” he blanky says. 

“I want to go on a date.” 

“We are in a date.” 

“A public one. _Please_.” 

Nagito pouts “You are so persistent on that... I think we are good the way we are.” 

“Ok, listen” he holds his partner’s face between his hands to keep his eyes on his “After graduation, and whatever comes next. For as long as you will have me, I want to stay with you. I say it, _from the bottom of my heart_.” 

His hands started to slip from his loved one’s soft skin, but are held it back in place. Nagito closes his eyes looking for comfort. 

“But sooner or later, we can’t keep the way we are forever.” 

Nagito turned to nuzzle his face against his palm. 

“Nagito...” 

Sad eyes looked up to him. 

“I can’t” his grip on the hands tightens. His voice is full of pain. “ _I can’t.”_

Hajime swallows the will to scream, to cry, in frustration, and takes a deep breath before asking “Why not?” 

“Hajime-” Nagito chuckles, but it sounds more like a chocked-up laugh in panic. He moves back away from the other’s hold “I-I...” his hands are trembling and he hugs himself. Hajime becomes more worried when he notices the drops of cold sweat falling. But he doesn’t move. “We-we can’t- Because, if everyone- the school sees us together, they-they will- they will talk and-” 

Nagito stops talking to breath. 

Hajime thinks it’s unfair Nagito is the one who takes a moment to breath. 

_They will talk_. 

_Everyone will talk about a low leech dating a prestigious ultimate talented student._

_The Lucky Student who stood always so firm on his ideals for Hope will be questioned._

Hajime’s thoughts run too fast for his liking. 

“I guess I was right.” he laughs trying not to cry “You... You still think I am lower than a human being.” 

Nagitos eyes go wide “What?! No-no, of course no- You are so important to me, Haji-” 

“ _STOP_!” he yells and both stay quiet “I-I need to go home.” 

“Wait, Hajime!” 

The fog clogging his brain doesn’t allow him to notice he is grabbing his stuff and ignoring Nagito’s attempt of an explanation ( _which he doesn’t give, not a valid one_ ) or whatever he is doing until his is running down the stairs. This time, there are few students down on the next floor who see him and whisper. 

Nagito didn’t even try to chase him after he left his room. 

* * *

When he arrives home, he runs straight up the stairs, still wearing his shoes. His mom calls for him and gets ignored. 

He bursts into Izuru’s room who is laying on his bed with a book in his hands. 

“Hajime?” he questions and his brother throws himself on his bed “Wh-?” 

Hajime hugs his brother and hides his face on the other’s stomach and starts crying his eyes out. Izuru doesn’t question anymore, and waits. 

“ _He is ashamed of me_ ” he whispers between hiccups “ _He doesn’t want to be seen with me._ ” 

Izuru hugs his brother back the best he can. They cuddle. He does his best to comfort his broken-hearted brother. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nagito: do you wanna go in there?  
> Hajime: just as I thought, you ARE ashamed of me  
> Nagito: I am not ashamed of you, I’m proud of you!  
> Ultimates: hey what’s up  
> Nagito: I just don’t want anybody to see you. 
> 
> I’m so sorry if ending a dysphoria crisis with oral sex isnt really the solution but the flashbacks are supposed to be short. I really wanted to write how was their first time for hajime


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello~  
> sorry for the delay, i had a huge creativity block since the last chapter was updated but i hope to publish with short periods of time again  
> ALSO PLEASE READ IT: because i dont want to go around in circles too much the next chapters will be probably a lot bigger so we can see more development. some things need to happen first so yeah, sorry if its taking too long

Thankfully, the following day is a Sunday, because he can’t leave the comfort of his brother’s bed. 

The previous day ended in an almost panic attack when he tried to explain with more details what happened to his brother while seeking comfort in his bedroom. Sakura and Akihiko couldn’t manage to get anything from him and gave their silent support, even preparing his favorite dinner, but he couldn’t force food down his throat. Izuru never once left his side, not even for his own dinner. He was happy his brother stayed, and it turned the feeling of guilt inside of him heavier.

The next day, he managed to eat some fruit, but still kept silent as he laid his head on his mother’s lap, who came to stay vigilantly while Izuru slept. 

“He didn’t sleep all night” she told him, running her fingers through his brown locks “Izuru probably won't vocalize it because he doesn’t really understand, but he was worried you would have another panic attack. I am really happy you have such a good brother.” 

There is nothing that proves his friends noticed how quiet both brothers were while the girls completely roasted Kazuichi in the group chat, so he just silently reads through it trying to grasp the reality that not everything was lost. 

He ignores all of Nagito’s 35 messages.

At the end of the day, the feeling of death being welcome at the moment (mostly) vanishes and the rest of his family manages to find the courage of asking what happened. 

“The... baby’s other father” he says slowly, forcing the words out. They deserve an explanation “I- we- broke up, I guess. He... won't be in the picture.” 

Sakura’s eyes widened with the information “He knows you have a baby and  _ he left _ ?!” 

“Not... really?” he looks away, crossing his arms firmly “He doesn’t want to be seen in public with me because I am just some  _ low reserve _ . So, he might as well not want people to know he will have a brat with one.” 

Izuru’s murderous aura is  _ glowing _ “So they  _ are _ from the Main Course?” 

He rolls his eyes, not determined enough to keep fighting on this. “Yeah. But that’s all I am giving out.” 

Even so, they try to get more out of him, but Hajime stays silent after that. 

Once again, he slept by his brothers' side –  _ a grip on reality that he wasn’t alone _ – in his queen-sized bed, to get strength to face the next day. He probably would miss a significant amount of classes yet so better not do it for... any reason.

He doubted Nagito would try to find him without the reason of the shared patio and Main Course friends they have in common. So he asked his friends to eat lunch on the rooftop of the Reserve Department, somewhere his previous partner would never go in.

“Hajime...” Mahiru whispers. They all have been eating in silence noticing the tension around him “Did... something happen?” 

He thinks for a second of telling them, but the idea seems useless. He shakes his head and says “Nothing. It’s nothing.” 

Izuru watches him closely. He manages to brush off the talk by asking if any of them wanted to go with him to bu

y baby stuff when he would eventually need to. Natsumi and Chiaki talk excited about how spoiled their godchild will be.

After class, he and Izuru are picked up by their mother, who drives the three of them to the clinic his doctor works at. The appointment was to make sure all his running and panic didn’t affect the baby. Somehow, everything seemed fine.

On the fifth day after the events at Nagito’s dorm, the messages and calls he has been ignoring stopped. He felt deeply guilty. Hajime knew Nagito’s issues and how the chances of the other doing something… dangerous were high. And yet, he couldn’t deal with him. Be it for pride, fear or anger, his heart still kept him away. It wasn’t like he didn’t want Nagito, but the other way around. And there was no reason for one to keep a one-sided relationship. He hoped the Ultimate Lucky Student would get a hold of himself.

Saturday arrived again, and so did his second appointment with Matsuda. 

“Wow” the Ultimate says when he comes into his clinic room “You look like you are dead.”

He rolls his eyes and takes his place in the medical table “I might as well be, kill me now if you can.” 

Matsuda laughs cynically “What, did baby daddy ditch you?” Hajime sighs angry. Matsudas mocking smile vanishes “ _ Oh. _ ”

“Yeah, yeah. Oh,  _ c’mon _ . Can we just go along with whatever we need to do? I am not in the mood to deal with an asshole.” 

Matsuda walks up to him and pocks his forehead with a pen “I am always an asshole. Go home, this whole thing is over.”

Hajime blinks and jumps from the metal table making a loud noise he didn't care for, firmly standing before Matsuda “What?  _ This whole thing _ ? I told you, I don’t want to drop out of the search. You agreed to help me!” 

“I did?” Matsuda looks up to the ceiling tired “Look, I already hated this whole idea. I won't deal with someone with pregnancy  _ and  _ ditched stress in a suicidal project. Now, I need a nap.” 

He was gone before Hajime could find a reason for him to stay. One that wasn’t his attempt at being something he himself found worth of.

With a tight feeling chest, he let out a dry laugh “How am I going to be a parent if I am so pathetic?” 

* * *

Izuru pulled them both out of the program without talking to him, using the same reason Matsuda did. Deep down he agreed there was no way he had the mindset to deal with Hope’s Peak’s bullshit, but it was still fighting his pride. He just kept quiet. 

But there was still something he needed to worry about. 

Matsuda had taken his blood samples for testing a week before they quitted the project, that means they had already sent it to the medical office for analysis by now. But there was also the possibility that they hadn't tested them yet or the samples were discarded. Mixing this info, he came to the conclusion that the solution would be looking for Matsuda to find out the answer. He was still afraid of the faculty finding out his pregnancy before he had no other choice but make it public himself.

“Hey” he calls his friends when they are finished lunch on Monday “Can I... come back with you guys to the Main Building? They won’t question if I go with you.” 

“Hm?” Kazuichi raises an eyebrow “For what?” 

“I just need to talk to someone. Personally.” 

Everyone just keeps staring at him suspiciously. 

“Hajime” Satou wonders out loud “You will... be showing at any moment now, right?” 

“Please don’t remind me.” _ or the small portions I managed to eat will come back. _

Koizumi smiles “She won’t say it but she is excited to feel the baby bump.” 

Satou blushed furiously “I-I am not!” 

He sighs with a frown “When it's bigger. As long as I can pass it as body fat, I will. So, can I go?” 

They take him along them and do their best to distract him from the stares of disgust from some of the other Main Course students when they see his Reserve uniform. Izuru gets closer to him, scaring them enough to stop staring.

They arrive at 77-B, and stop at the dorm frame. 

“Is the person you needed to talk to in our class, Hajime?” Chiaki wonders out loud. 

“No, no” he shakes his head “But they are on this floor.” 

“Why don’t you come in to see everyone a little bit?” Kazuichi throws his arm around Hajime’s shoulders “C’mon, everyone misses you!” 

He laughs nervously “That's not necessary at all.” 

“Really?” Koizumi rolls her eyes “You just keep in contact with five of us, but everyone here likes you and sees you as a friend. Come in right now.” 

He gives in and regrets the moment the class bursts in yells of excitement seeing him. 

“HA-JI-ME~" Ibuki sings jumping around him “I actually thought you died this time!” 

“It’s Hiyoko’s fault!” Akane barks a laugh “Girl did a whole funeral for you, dude.” 

Hiyoko, a little farther away compared to the others, but still closer to him than before, pouts angry “Of course I did! You forgot we existed, you asshole!” 

Gundham approaches him “The forces of evil have been gathering and getting stronger, feeding from the demons hidden in this class since the last time you have made a pact with our souls.” 

Sonia smiles and gives Hajime a hug. Kazuichi gasps behind him “He said he missed you.” 

“HAJIME!” Nekomaru picks him up along Sonia who laughs fondly “HOW IS THE REGIME I PLANNED FOR YOU GOING!?” 

Hajime just laughed nervously. The regime was forgotten two days after he got it. 

He won’t say it properly, but the attention is really nice. It’s true that the difference in schedules makes it difficult for all of them to meet. Besides, of course, the small group he grew closer to, a lot thanks to Satou and Natsumi also being related to Ultimate Talents. So he was really happy the whole 77-B class kept their bond to him even if they couldn’t see each other as much. 

“Nekomaru, you will crush me” he says and Nekomaru just hugs him tighter barking a laugh. 

He grits his teeth - it doesn't really hurt but still - and looks away. When doing so, he stole a look at the only student still in his seat during his presence. 

His eyes meet Nagito’s. 

* * *

_ People thought high about those who could take on difficult challenges and go as far as no one else has done before. _

_ Understanding a person like Nagito was a difficult challenge, and the idea that he could do it better than anyone else, although not completely perfectly, made something inside of him feel proud of it. Knowing he was important enough to see a side of such a person that no one else could... It made him feel special. It sometimes made him question if the reason he loved being with him was all for something so selfish. _

_ But there wasn't a single person on this planet who could read such an unpredictable person without mistakes. Not even him. _

* * *

When Nagito finally understood they were sharing glances, he moved his head up slightly, an instinct movement of surprise. A shy blush covers his cheeks and he straights up his posture. There is also a small smile.

“Ple-please, Nekomaru!” Mikan yelps approaching them “Pu-put Hajime down, ri-right now!”

“HAH?” Nekomaru’s naturally loud voice echoes. He wasn't paying attention to what Mikan said.

But it struck a nerve as Mikan’s face contorted in anger.

“I said TO PUT HIM DOWN!”

Nekomaru, taken back by the usually soft spoken girl, immediately let go of Hajime and Sonia who would have fallen on the ground if the other students around him hadn't supported them, gently helping them stand up.

“Thanks,” he said.

“Wow, Mikan” Akane pats the Ultimate Nurse on the back a little to harsh “You are learning how to talk like a real life nurse! Those ladies are harsh!”

Mika hiccups and covers her mouth with both hands “So-so-so-orry!”

“But, still are you okay?” Chiaki wonders “You sounded really angry.”

“I-I just get worried… about Hajime…” she whispers weakly and starts crying.

“Wow, Hajime” Nagito’s voice comes from where he stands now, closer to the crowd but not really part of it “Making Mikan cry again and again, that’s not nice.”

“Hey! I didn't do anything!” he argues back. Although knowing no one watching the exchange knew what truly happened, he couldn't contain the spite in his voice in that moment “It’s been ages since I have even seen Mikan!”

“Oh, but isn't what this is about?” Nagito keeps a smile as he tilts his head to the side “Where is the emotional responsibility, Reserve Course? You can’t just leave people like that.”

It feels like his insides are burning as takes a couple furious steps in Nagito’s direction “Emotional responsibility?!”  _ Are you one to talk?! _ he holds back from yelling the last part.

“Ok, ok, calm down you two” Koizumi holds his arm and pulls him back closer to the door “Go see whoever you were looking for before the bell rings, everyone can catch up later.”

He sends a final glance in Nagito’s direction, trying to read anything from the other male, anything, but only meets a mocking smile and no other emotion. It’s like there is a wall blocking anything from seeing what was beyond that.

Hajime clicks his tongue in frustration and turns around “Whatever. See you later.”

Without giving a proper goodbye to his friends, he speed walks to the classroom Matsuda is part of. 77-A.

* * *

The door is closed and he opens it slowly. Since lectures havent started yet, he shouldn't be interrupting anything besides a few students' conversations or whatever. As he looks into the classroom, he opens the door faster in surprise. Various eyes turn to him.

“What the  _ fuck _ ?”

The room is shut down with only candles serving as a light source. There is something - _ someone _ \- tied by rope hanging from the ceiling over a boiling pot, covered in bandages, while various students wearing dark robes and blank masks seem to walk around it.

One of the students stomps in his direction, a tall person with a demoniac accent that would send chills even to Gundham yells “ _ WHO IS THIS INTERRUPTING OUR RITUAL?! _ ”

_ I hate Main Course students _ , he thinks processing the situation he just walked in. Not giving an answer immediately, he starts to rethink his decision of coming here. Maybe he should just turn around and go back to 77-B where he is, at least, used to the classe’s peculiar behavior.

“ _ I SAID _ -” The covered figure yells again “ _ WHO- _ ”

“Hana, stop it” one of the masked figures warns, bored. They get up and walk to the door where Hajime still stands like a dumbass “I will deal with it. I know him”

The figure who was furious at him a second ago suddenly calms down and says “Okay!” with a childish voice “Don’t take too long or Kimi-chan will wake up!”

Hajime looks up to the figure hanging from the ceiling and swallows before going back to the hallway. The figure who followed him closes the door behind them and removes their mask and hood, revealing Matsuda’s exhausted face.

“Hm” there is a small silence “Sorry to interrupt you on… that.”

“I was praying someone would come and get me the fuck out” Matsuda walks to the opposite wall and supports his back against it “So? Why did you come here?”

Hajime looks around. There are not that many students in this hallway, none really close, but he still walks closer to Matsuda to whisper his reasoning to him.

“The blood samples you took from me. Were they already tested?”

Matsuda raises an eyebrow and looks away, thinking for a few seconds before staring at him again “I don’t know. I gave them to be sent to the laboratory for testing and had yet to hear from it. Is it about…?”

He feels grateful Matsuda has half a mind to understand not to say it out loud. “Yeah. Exactly about that. I was wondering if they were stopped or something since we pulled it off.”

Matsuda stops again to think about what could have happened “If they were ready I would have gotten them before last Saturday when we had our last appointment. Considering the amount of testing Hope’s Peak does for Talent Research, yours would probably get stuck in line for sometime.”

“So you think they have not been tested yet?”

“Definitely not.” he pulls the string from his robe, thoughtful “I also don’t think they are even going to waste time and money on samples for a project already canceled.”

“They were probably discarded?”

“I think so.”

Breathing out relieved, he turns around and supports himself against the wall by Matsuda’s side, a little closer to the other than he intended. He closes his eyes and breaths in slowly. “Thanks”

Matsuda nods in response, still with that ugly frown in his face “Yeah, yeah. Was that the only thing you needed?”

He looks up, thinking about the meetings and anything else he knew that could be related to Matsuda “Pretty much, yeah.”

“Good” he straightens up and starts walking away. “I will get a drink or something. See you around.”

He doesn't say anything else as he watches the other walk down the hallway with a lazy walk. They have met only a few times, he still wasn't sure what to think about the Ultimate Neurologist, yet.

He turns around with positive thoughts that maybe not everything was that bad and collides with a hand holding the largest cup of bubble tea he has ever seen. Somehow, only a few drops of the liquid get on him, most spills on the ground he looks down surprised but some of it on the person holding it.

“Oh, look at that” a husky fake sad voice says “ _ My bubble tea _ ! What a bad lucky, right?”

He says exhausted “Nagito… that’s unbelievable. You were waiting around the corner to do that, weren't you?”

Nagito laughs “I have no idea what you mean! Stuff like that always happens” he throws the cup of bubble tea over his shoulder without care “Now, since you are the one who stumbled on me, you better help me clean it!”

“What? Why do you keep doing-” Nagito firmly holds his wrist and pulls him along down the hallway “He-hey! Wait up!”

His protests are ignored as the other student only pulls him humming a happy song. Nagito’s hand around his wrist is firm, but not that strong, and still cold as always. The feeling makes Hajime wonder if Nagito has been taking his medication properly during the days since their break up. He mentally slaps himself. No, it shouldn’t be his care anymore.

They arrive at the bathroom and Nagito goes to the sink. It’s silent, there isn't a single sound from another being. He walks along the stalls and pays attention to anything that could signal a presence inside of them.

“I was serious about helping me.”

He turns around and his eyes meet Nagito’s in the mirror’s reflection. They stand there just looking at each other before Hajime moves to get some tissues. He turns around and Nagito stands closer to him than before. After wetting the tissues in the sink, he holds the others uniform sweater and suddenly pulls him closer.

Nagito chuckles fondly “Hajime is so rough~”

Hajime’s heart skips in a way he wished it didn't.

His cheeks fill up with heat and he starts rubbing the others shirt more violently than needed - Nagito yelps startled.

"Shut-shut up! Just- stay quiet, okay?”

Nagito chuckles foundly again but doesn't say anything else while Hajime scrubs his shirt trying to get as much as he could off the stain. It’s a silent process as neither of them speak. He can feel Nagito is staring at him, and yet is not brave enough to look back and face whatever was there left to say.

What makes him give up is noticing how absolutely no one comes in the bathroom and the realization that Nagito’s luck is probably forcing them to stay alone and just fucking talk already.

And also because they are too close, the wetness of Nagito’s shirt is kind of transparent and he is starting to miss contact so badly.

“Ok, that's enough” he steps back and looks up to meet the others eyes “So? Was that it?”

He didn't know how the other was staring at him while he cleaned his shirt, but now he sees a kind and foundly smile. The white haired boy tries to keep the smile but fails as his expression turns sad. One of his hands leaned on the sink to find some support.

“Hajime…” there is a pause. “What did I do…?”

He stops. Turns around and supports both of his hands in the sink. He takes deep and slow breaths, in and out.

He is angry. God, he is so angry he can barely contain it. He wants to scream, to fucking punch Nagito so hard in hope the other will stop playing dumb because isnt it obvious what he did?

Nagito moves next to him and his hand on the sink disappears from his line of sight. “I am…” Nagito’s voice is quiet “I am sorry… _ha,_ ” his laugh is dry, not even faking fun “I probably deserve it. You are right. I am just… scum. I shouldn't even be asking for your forgiveness, but, _ha_...” his voice gets quieter “I am _so_ _sorry_ …”

He holds the sink tighter, his knuckles turn white from the pressure and he uses it to hold himself to reality.

He looks up to meet Nagito’s face in the mirror.

Nagito’s expression is painful. It’s contorced in so much sorrow it finally shows the dark eye bags under his eyes and the fake light on them fades away completely.

“You are  _ sorry _ ?” he whispers in disbelief.

Nagito holds himself tighter and looks away ashamed.

Hajime quickly opens the faucet in front of him and throws water over his face, trying to calm down.

_ Frontotemporal dementia _ , he remembers. ‘ _ The nerve cell damage caused by frontotemporal dementia leads to loss of function in these brain regions, which variably cause deterioration in behavior, personality and/or difficulty with producing or comprehending language’. He read it on a website once after searching it the day Nagito told him about his medical status. _

Nagito Komaeda truly has no idea what he did wrong.

Hajime turns around and slaps his fingers. He understands the other’s situation and needs to be patient. Even if it's not his strongest trait.

“Nagito,” he says slowly “that day… in your dorm, you said that… you didn't want to make a public relationship with me because of what people would think if a Main Course dated a Reserve Course student.”

Nagito slowly nods, still as confused as before. He holds back the burning he feels in his veins and takes a deep breath  _ again _ .

“Do-Do you have any idea how you insulted me?” he rolls his hands over his face “You are  _ ashamed _ of me.”

“No, I am not!” Nagito cuts him “I am not ashamed of you, never. Hajime is amazing, too amazing for someone so low as myself. I-I am grateful someone like you would even notice me...”

“But you are ashamed of the Reserve Course. Which I am part of.”

“Of course I am” there is an angry frown in his face now “And you already knew that, everyone  _ knows _ . It’s a worthless place. ” Nagito moves to take his hand but stops himself, choosing to just look at Hajime with pleading eyes “I-I know I am asking too much because I am not worth the effort, but… can’t we please go back? It was fine.”

“No, it wasn't!” Nagito recoils over the spite in Hajime’s voice “And we are just going around in circles in this conversation.”

Nagito looks down ashamed “Sorry. Then, what should I do…?”

Hajime turns around and washes his hands one last time before walking to the bathroom’s door “Try to understand why I am so angry. Come back when you finally realise.” He opens the door and, before stepping out, looks over his shoulder to the defeated student behind him “Because I have no idea how to make you see something that should be so obvious.”

**Author's Note:**

> I dont have a beta but I do have lots of love to give 💙 thank you for reading!


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